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muse_playground 127.
Sep. 16th, 2007 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sacredeyes127. But you can't be close enough
Unless I'm feeling your heart beat
-All Of Your Love, Hellogoodbye
She watched them come and go from the sanctuary. They were a young couple. She had seen them three times now and they had wanted nothing more than to marry under the big apple tree in the back of the church. Of course she had given her permission. How could she forgo the happiness of another when it was but such a minor thing?
They had married with a small group of friends. The ceremony was beautiful, full of flowers from Peninnah’s own garden. They were not wealthy and couldn’t pay for any from a florist. What was a small gift of flowers from her garden? She was still happy for them when they came inside.
They thanked her. The young woman had even given her a hug but Peninnah heard few of their words. She was distracted by the way they held on to each other. She could feel the way they were connected. It was as if there was one bright soul before her instead of two separate ones as she had seen earlier in the month. She was happy for them but it caused her great sadness.
That feeling they shared she would never have. She felt it with the stone around her but it offered no comfort from its cold surface when she was lonely or when nightmares plagued her twilight rest. In the end no matter how close she was to the stone from which she was made it would never be another living being. She watched them get into the carriage that had come into the churchyard with a great sadness inside her heart.
She was great in power but the church was empty. Her life was empty aside from a few visits from Corwin or Kaycee but they were few. Her life was not part of theirs like the couple. That was what she wanted. It wasn’t about a lover or a husband nor was it about anything encompassed in a relationship of the nature the couple shared. It was about contact. Over 500 years she had lived and never had she been held in another’s arms. She had never felt the elation of sincere words or had someone to tell her tomorrow would be better if she could just hold on a little longer.
Peninnah went on alone and suddenly that didn’t seem like enough. Duty was not enough to make her whole. She wondered if it was because of the mortal traits, the body she now inhabited. Perhaps it was the nature of the mortal form to need the companionship of another. She couldn’t be sure. There was no one to ask.
She understood now what it was to be truly lonely and alone. Few knew she was here of those that did they did not come for her company. They came to the church to survive, for food that she made for them. She wished once they would come to see her for her presence but they didn’t. Deep down she knew they never would. She had been put here by God for duty not to live a life as others had. What was she to do now that she wanted to live?
Peninnah sat down with the bouquet the bride had left for her. The flowers were beginning to wilt. They were like her, dying a slow death. No one would know about them. They would be forgotten soon enough by everyone. Peninnah had to admit even she might forget them in the coming years. Tears came to her eyes. It was a rare moment when she cried but there was nothing else she felt capable of doing. She prayed to God for his mercy. She needed to be saved from the seclusion she endured. She begged and prayed from behind her tears that he would hear her. She could no longer endure isolation.
Unless I'm feeling your heart beat
-All Of Your Love, Hellogoodbye
She watched them come and go from the sanctuary. They were a young couple. She had seen them three times now and they had wanted nothing more than to marry under the big apple tree in the back of the church. Of course she had given her permission. How could she forgo the happiness of another when it was but such a minor thing?
They had married with a small group of friends. The ceremony was beautiful, full of flowers from Peninnah’s own garden. They were not wealthy and couldn’t pay for any from a florist. What was a small gift of flowers from her garden? She was still happy for them when they came inside.
They thanked her. The young woman had even given her a hug but Peninnah heard few of their words. She was distracted by the way they held on to each other. She could feel the way they were connected. It was as if there was one bright soul before her instead of two separate ones as she had seen earlier in the month. She was happy for them but it caused her great sadness.
That feeling they shared she would never have. She felt it with the stone around her but it offered no comfort from its cold surface when she was lonely or when nightmares plagued her twilight rest. In the end no matter how close she was to the stone from which she was made it would never be another living being. She watched them get into the carriage that had come into the churchyard with a great sadness inside her heart.
She was great in power but the church was empty. Her life was empty aside from a few visits from Corwin or Kaycee but they were few. Her life was not part of theirs like the couple. That was what she wanted. It wasn’t about a lover or a husband nor was it about anything encompassed in a relationship of the nature the couple shared. It was about contact. Over 500 years she had lived and never had she been held in another’s arms. She had never felt the elation of sincere words or had someone to tell her tomorrow would be better if she could just hold on a little longer.
Peninnah went on alone and suddenly that didn’t seem like enough. Duty was not enough to make her whole. She wondered if it was because of the mortal traits, the body she now inhabited. Perhaps it was the nature of the mortal form to need the companionship of another. She couldn’t be sure. There was no one to ask.
She understood now what it was to be truly lonely and alone. Few knew she was here of those that did they did not come for her company. They came to the church to survive, for food that she made for them. She wished once they would come to see her for her presence but they didn’t. Deep down she knew they never would. She had been put here by God for duty not to live a life as others had. What was she to do now that she wanted to live?
Peninnah sat down with the bouquet the bride had left for her. The flowers were beginning to wilt. They were like her, dying a slow death. No one would know about them. They would be forgotten soon enough by everyone. Peninnah had to admit even she might forget them in the coming years. Tears came to her eyes. It was a rare moment when she cried but there was nothing else she felt capable of doing. She prayed to God for his mercy. She needed to be saved from the seclusion she endured. She begged and prayed from behind her tears that he would hear her. She could no longer endure isolation.
