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realmofthemuse
Dec. 1st, 2007 03:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sacredeyes3. The Death Penalty
Peninnah was startled by the phone. It was the latest piece of technology she had mastered and she had still to get used to it. She picked up the phone hesitantly and spoke.
“Hello, St. Julien’s Church.”
“This is police chief Brown. Is Father Darius there?” The voice on the other end was firm but not uninviting. She also recognized the name of the previous tender of the church and frowned uncertain of what to say.
“Father Darius has been away for some time now. Perhaps I can be of service to you?” She finally replied though still feeling rather unsure of herself and being on the phone.
“It is possible. We have a prisoner here facing execution in the morning. He has requested that someone from your church come to speak with him.” There was a measure of compassion in the man’s voice as he spoke.
“I can come by whenever you wish.” She responded. She wasn’t a priest but far more than one all in the same breath.
“Can you come to the prison in about an hour?”
“I’m not certain where it is.” She was growing hesitant and nervous.
“Why don’t you sit tight and I will have a patrol car come to escort you.”
“That may be for the best.” She smiled but there was a deep sadness in her heart.
“They will be right over.” The man spoke quieter now. “Thank you.” He added after a brief silence.
“It is no trouble for it is my duty to be there for any who are in need.” The confidence was coming back.
“I will be there to meet you when you arrive.”
The phone went silent. Peninnah sighed and hung up the phone. Pausing for a moment she cleared her mind of thoughts. Negativity was not what this man would need when she arrived. She dressed in a simple black dress that brushed the floor to hide her feet and a long brown shawl like coat to cover the rest that people need not see. She did not however put on her veils. This man needed to see her face and she would not hide from him when she might be the last moment of compassion and comfort he received.
Moments passed as she brushed her hair. The sounds of footsteps in the sanctuary were not unexpected. Peninnah walked out and smiled softly at the young officer who had come to retrieve her. He seemed caught off guard by the petite woman that she was.
“I am Peninnah. Chief Brown told me you would come.” She offered her hand and he shook it. His mannerisms relaxed as they walked toward the patrol car. After a brief thank you when he opened the door for her they fell into silence. The drive was not a long one and she was grateful to be left to herself.
She was let out at the prison stairs. Her eyes scanned the structure. There was so much depression and anger inside those walls. The steps were slow as she steadied herself to the environment she would be in. The Police Chief greeted her at the door with the same solemn feelings she had.
Once they were inside and walking he spoke. “Mr. O’Connor has been convicted of several counts of murder. For your protection I have arranged for an armed escort to join you in the room.”
Peninnah shook her head. “It will not be necessary.”
“I can not allow you to be endangered in my facility.”
She stopped and looked on the man who was over a foot taller than her own frame. “The conversations of a man and his chosen clergy are confidential. I can not allow that to be disregarded even if the man in question is a criminal.
The stern tone she used had his attention. Brown contemplated the situation nervously before nodding. “I will have them stationed outside. If anything seems amiss they will enter and tend to the situation.”
“I can understand your concern.” She let her expression relax and they started walking again. “I am glad for your desire to watch for my safety but it is not necessary.”
Brown led her to a small room. There was nothing in it but a wooden table and two chairs. A one way mirror took up most of the one wall. Peninnah felt claustrophobic in the small space. The whole place seemed dreadful and inhumane but it was not her place to choose what a prisoner’s accommodations would be.
Once Brown left she sat in the chair gazing at the opposing door. She could feel O’Connor coming toward the room with his guards. He was fearful and she imagined death was a very frightening experience when you knew it was coming. The door opened revealing a very unassuming man in cuffs. He was not what she had expected to see. His stature and features were average. He wore glasses.
“Am I staying cuffed?” He asked the guards. They immediately looked in Peninnah’s direction.
“There is no need for them. If he wishes to be without I would prefer he is given his wish.”
The guards removed the cuffs but didn’t leave the room until O’Connor had taken his seat across the table. He was quiet for a long moment while he looked her over.
“Why’d they send a woman?”
“I was the only one available to see you on such short notice.” Peninnah responded with an even tone.
“Are you a nun?”
He seemed full of questions. She did not mind because her answers seemed to relax the tension he had. “No, I am not a nun but I serve the church and God with the same dedication.”
O’Connor finally seemed at ease and smiled but only slightly. “I need to talk to you about dying.”
“I’ll talk to you about anything you wish.”
“Do people like me go to Hell?”
She could hear in his words that this man feared Hell. “I do not know anything about you nor is it my place to judge your fate. God alone can say what is meant for our future both here and beyond.”
“I murdered three women and a child. God won’t forgive me for that.” O’Connor’s distress brought a wave of sadness.
“It is said that God can forgive us long before we can ever forgive ourselves for the events around us. You carry guilt for what you’ve done?”
O’Connor nodded. “After years in here to think about it anyone would.”
“I do imagine that would be the case. Can you tell me why you feel guilty?”
“I killed people. Innocent people. They shouldn’t have been there.” He started nervously wringing his hands.
“Have you asked God to forgive you?” She asked softening her voice as much as she could.
“No.”
“Then perhaps it is time you do. God can not tell you He has forgiven you if you do not first ask for His forgiveness.” Peninnah could see the hurt and guilt this man carried. She didn’t know why he had killed or what caused it but it wasn’t her place to judge him.
“We can do that here? Don’t we have to go to a church?”
Peninnah shook her head. “God is everywhere. He will hear you no matter where you are when you speak.”
“How do you ask for forgiveness when you’ve killed innocent people?” His question had a bare honesty to it that said he really needed this.
“There are many way. You must find your own way to ask. You alone can say what it is that you need to be forgiven for.” Perhaps we should pray together first and then you can ask, silently or aloud. I do not need to hear; only God does.”
O’Connor thought it over and before nodding. Smiling Peninnah slipped the small gold cross from around her neck and held it out to him. He faltered before taking it. O’Connor stood instantly bringing the guards to the door.
“There is no need. We are going to pray.” She faced the police officers who gave each other a concerned look but in the end left.
Careful to keep her feet hidden Peninnah knelt beside O’Connor. His fear seemed more acute than before.
“There is nothing to fear Mr. O’Connor.”
The prisoner glanced at her. “I don’t know your name.”
“Peninnah.” She smiled and settled in next to him. She didn’t fear him. Even if she was alone without the guards outside she would have no fear.
He smiled and took his place still holding the cross in his clasped hands. He bowed his head only a moment before looking up. “I think I have forgotten how to pray.”
“One can not forget how to pray. He does not judge us on how our prayers sound but what we intend with them. I will start if you’d like.” She had softened like she did with the children she saw at the church.
“Please.”
Peninnah nodded and they both bowed their heads, hands clasped before them.
“Forgive us Father for our sins. We speak to you today to ask for mercy in hours dark. We ask for light to guide us and your forgiveness for what can not be undone. We pray that those who have been injured or harmed by our action have found safety and sanctuary in your love. I ask that you hear Mr. O’Connor’s prayers as he speaks to you today and that he too finds that love when he goes to you tomorrow. No mortal is perfect and it is those imperfections in our actions that I ask you to forgive.”
She glanced over at O’Connor. Peninnah thought he might have been crying but couldn’t tell. Gently she laid her hand over his. “There is no fear in asking. There is no shame in asking to be forgiven.”
O’Connor remained quiet but she could see his lips moving with unspoken words. When she let her mind free she could hear his prayers. He was not asking for his own forgiveness as many did. Instead much of what she heard was his hopes for those he had hurt and apology for his actions. That too was a way to ask for forgiveness. It was the way that took the most courage and humility.
His silence went on and she waited unmoving for the man to find his peace with God. When he finally looked up much of the fear had left his expression.
“Do you think he heard?”
Peninnah looked up and smiled. “I am certain he heard.”
“Thank you for coming.” O’Connor pulled back and stood.
Peninnah slowly got to her feet as well. “It is my place to be here for those who need no matter who they are.”
O’Connor seemed surprised by her words but slowly smiled. “The world could do with more like you.”
“Without those like you who need me, I would have no purpose in God’s service.” She smiled though inside she was feeling the despair of knowing this man would die before tomorrow morning. O’Connor did something that she didn’t expect. He hugged her. His hands pressed tight to her back. She could feel his hands coming to rest on her wings. Fear shot through her but luckily he did not react as she thought he might. Finally he released her and Peninnah saw the guards in the room once more.
“I will say a prayer for you tonight.” She smiled as best she could.
“O’Connor.” The guard called to him. “Your time is up.”
Peninnah glanced between the guards and the man sentenced to death. Reluctantly she nodded to him that it was time.
“Thank you.” O’Connor commented as they recuffed him.
“Do not forget to thank yourself as well.” She waved to him when the police stopped him at the door. “Good-bye Mr. O’Connor. May God be with you.”
He smiled briefly before disappearing from her sights. The Chief once more offered her a ride but Peninnah declined. She needed time to think before returning to the church. She had seen people die. She had seen bodies of the dead but never had she encountered anyone who was going to an execution. The whole idea unnerved her as she walked across town. The solitude seemed appropriate to her and she wondered how O’Connor felt in his solitude. Perhaps some time she would go and ask him.
Peninnah was startled by the phone. It was the latest piece of technology she had mastered and she had still to get used to it. She picked up the phone hesitantly and spoke.
“Hello, St. Julien’s Church.”
“This is police chief Brown. Is Father Darius there?” The voice on the other end was firm but not uninviting. She also recognized the name of the previous tender of the church and frowned uncertain of what to say.
“Father Darius has been away for some time now. Perhaps I can be of service to you?” She finally replied though still feeling rather unsure of herself and being on the phone.
“It is possible. We have a prisoner here facing execution in the morning. He has requested that someone from your church come to speak with him.” There was a measure of compassion in the man’s voice as he spoke.
“I can come by whenever you wish.” She responded. She wasn’t a priest but far more than one all in the same breath.
“Can you come to the prison in about an hour?”
“I’m not certain where it is.” She was growing hesitant and nervous.
“Why don’t you sit tight and I will have a patrol car come to escort you.”
“That may be for the best.” She smiled but there was a deep sadness in her heart.
“They will be right over.” The man spoke quieter now. “Thank you.” He added after a brief silence.
“It is no trouble for it is my duty to be there for any who are in need.” The confidence was coming back.
“I will be there to meet you when you arrive.”
The phone went silent. Peninnah sighed and hung up the phone. Pausing for a moment she cleared her mind of thoughts. Negativity was not what this man would need when she arrived. She dressed in a simple black dress that brushed the floor to hide her feet and a long brown shawl like coat to cover the rest that people need not see. She did not however put on her veils. This man needed to see her face and she would not hide from him when she might be the last moment of compassion and comfort he received.
Moments passed as she brushed her hair. The sounds of footsteps in the sanctuary were not unexpected. Peninnah walked out and smiled softly at the young officer who had come to retrieve her. He seemed caught off guard by the petite woman that she was.
“I am Peninnah. Chief Brown told me you would come.” She offered her hand and he shook it. His mannerisms relaxed as they walked toward the patrol car. After a brief thank you when he opened the door for her they fell into silence. The drive was not a long one and she was grateful to be left to herself.
She was let out at the prison stairs. Her eyes scanned the structure. There was so much depression and anger inside those walls. The steps were slow as she steadied herself to the environment she would be in. The Police Chief greeted her at the door with the same solemn feelings she had.
Once they were inside and walking he spoke. “Mr. O’Connor has been convicted of several counts of murder. For your protection I have arranged for an armed escort to join you in the room.”
Peninnah shook her head. “It will not be necessary.”
“I can not allow you to be endangered in my facility.”
She stopped and looked on the man who was over a foot taller than her own frame. “The conversations of a man and his chosen clergy are confidential. I can not allow that to be disregarded even if the man in question is a criminal.
The stern tone she used had his attention. Brown contemplated the situation nervously before nodding. “I will have them stationed outside. If anything seems amiss they will enter and tend to the situation.”
“I can understand your concern.” She let her expression relax and they started walking again. “I am glad for your desire to watch for my safety but it is not necessary.”
Brown led her to a small room. There was nothing in it but a wooden table and two chairs. A one way mirror took up most of the one wall. Peninnah felt claustrophobic in the small space. The whole place seemed dreadful and inhumane but it was not her place to choose what a prisoner’s accommodations would be.
Once Brown left she sat in the chair gazing at the opposing door. She could feel O’Connor coming toward the room with his guards. He was fearful and she imagined death was a very frightening experience when you knew it was coming. The door opened revealing a very unassuming man in cuffs. He was not what she had expected to see. His stature and features were average. He wore glasses.
“Am I staying cuffed?” He asked the guards. They immediately looked in Peninnah’s direction.
“There is no need for them. If he wishes to be without I would prefer he is given his wish.”
The guards removed the cuffs but didn’t leave the room until O’Connor had taken his seat across the table. He was quiet for a long moment while he looked her over.
“Why’d they send a woman?”
“I was the only one available to see you on such short notice.” Peninnah responded with an even tone.
“Are you a nun?”
He seemed full of questions. She did not mind because her answers seemed to relax the tension he had. “No, I am not a nun but I serve the church and God with the same dedication.”
O’Connor finally seemed at ease and smiled but only slightly. “I need to talk to you about dying.”
“I’ll talk to you about anything you wish.”
“Do people like me go to Hell?”
She could hear in his words that this man feared Hell. “I do not know anything about you nor is it my place to judge your fate. God alone can say what is meant for our future both here and beyond.”
“I murdered three women and a child. God won’t forgive me for that.” O’Connor’s distress brought a wave of sadness.
“It is said that God can forgive us long before we can ever forgive ourselves for the events around us. You carry guilt for what you’ve done?”
O’Connor nodded. “After years in here to think about it anyone would.”
“I do imagine that would be the case. Can you tell me why you feel guilty?”
“I killed people. Innocent people. They shouldn’t have been there.” He started nervously wringing his hands.
“Have you asked God to forgive you?” She asked softening her voice as much as she could.
“No.”
“Then perhaps it is time you do. God can not tell you He has forgiven you if you do not first ask for His forgiveness.” Peninnah could see the hurt and guilt this man carried. She didn’t know why he had killed or what caused it but it wasn’t her place to judge him.
“We can do that here? Don’t we have to go to a church?”
Peninnah shook her head. “God is everywhere. He will hear you no matter where you are when you speak.”
“How do you ask for forgiveness when you’ve killed innocent people?” His question had a bare honesty to it that said he really needed this.
“There are many way. You must find your own way to ask. You alone can say what it is that you need to be forgiven for.” Perhaps we should pray together first and then you can ask, silently or aloud. I do not need to hear; only God does.”
O’Connor thought it over and before nodding. Smiling Peninnah slipped the small gold cross from around her neck and held it out to him. He faltered before taking it. O’Connor stood instantly bringing the guards to the door.
“There is no need. We are going to pray.” She faced the police officers who gave each other a concerned look but in the end left.
Careful to keep her feet hidden Peninnah knelt beside O’Connor. His fear seemed more acute than before.
“There is nothing to fear Mr. O’Connor.”
The prisoner glanced at her. “I don’t know your name.”
“Peninnah.” She smiled and settled in next to him. She didn’t fear him. Even if she was alone without the guards outside she would have no fear.
He smiled and took his place still holding the cross in his clasped hands. He bowed his head only a moment before looking up. “I think I have forgotten how to pray.”
“One can not forget how to pray. He does not judge us on how our prayers sound but what we intend with them. I will start if you’d like.” She had softened like she did with the children she saw at the church.
“Please.”
Peninnah nodded and they both bowed their heads, hands clasped before them.
“Forgive us Father for our sins. We speak to you today to ask for mercy in hours dark. We ask for light to guide us and your forgiveness for what can not be undone. We pray that those who have been injured or harmed by our action have found safety and sanctuary in your love. I ask that you hear Mr. O’Connor’s prayers as he speaks to you today and that he too finds that love when he goes to you tomorrow. No mortal is perfect and it is those imperfections in our actions that I ask you to forgive.”
She glanced over at O’Connor. Peninnah thought he might have been crying but couldn’t tell. Gently she laid her hand over his. “There is no fear in asking. There is no shame in asking to be forgiven.”
O’Connor remained quiet but she could see his lips moving with unspoken words. When she let her mind free she could hear his prayers. He was not asking for his own forgiveness as many did. Instead much of what she heard was his hopes for those he had hurt and apology for his actions. That too was a way to ask for forgiveness. It was the way that took the most courage and humility.
His silence went on and she waited unmoving for the man to find his peace with God. When he finally looked up much of the fear had left his expression.
“Do you think he heard?”
Peninnah looked up and smiled. “I am certain he heard.”
“Thank you for coming.” O’Connor pulled back and stood.
Peninnah slowly got to her feet as well. “It is my place to be here for those who need no matter who they are.”
O’Connor seemed surprised by her words but slowly smiled. “The world could do with more like you.”
“Without those like you who need me, I would have no purpose in God’s service.” She smiled though inside she was feeling the despair of knowing this man would die before tomorrow morning. O’Connor did something that she didn’t expect. He hugged her. His hands pressed tight to her back. She could feel his hands coming to rest on her wings. Fear shot through her but luckily he did not react as she thought he might. Finally he released her and Peninnah saw the guards in the room once more.
“I will say a prayer for you tonight.” She smiled as best she could.
“O’Connor.” The guard called to him. “Your time is up.”
Peninnah glanced between the guards and the man sentenced to death. Reluctantly she nodded to him that it was time.
“Thank you.” O’Connor commented as they recuffed him.
“Do not forget to thank yourself as well.” She waved to him when the police stopped him at the door. “Good-bye Mr. O’Connor. May God be with you.”
He smiled briefly before disappearing from her sights. The Chief once more offered her a ride but Peninnah declined. She needed time to think before returning to the church. She had seen people die. She had seen bodies of the dead but never had she encountered anyone who was going to an execution. The whole idea unnerved her as she walked across town. The solitude seemed appropriate to her and she wondered how O’Connor felt in his solitude. Perhaps some time she would go and ask him.
